turtle in the hand

I want to talk a bit about something that concerns people who want to achieve success in their new business or new career, but who have some sort of aversion to reaching out to other people socially or for guidance/mentorship/assistance. In other words, I want to talk about being introverted.

Being introverted, this hesitancy to network and interface readily with other people, is increasingly detrimental in the Age of the Internet, since the whole point of the Internet is networking. So I want to discuss introversion and to give some tips introverts can use to get out there and work on building their social network.

The goal is not to convert you into an extrovert, but to allow your awesome introverted self to more effectively operate in a networked world.

Wikipedia defines introversion as: “the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life”. Some people characterize introversion as “keeping inside one’s shell,” like a turtle.

If you’ve ever taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test, based on the theories of Carl Jung and which measures how people perceive the world and make decisions, one of the dimensions the Myers-Briggs test scores is a person’s degree of Introversion or Extroversion.

Informally, to know whether you are introverted or extroverted, I’ve also heard it put this way: say you have to interact with a large group of people for a significant amount of time, like going to a party or a long meeting. After the event is over, do you feel energized or depleted? If interacting with people leaves you energized, then you are extroverted. If interacting with people leaves you depleted, then you are an introvert.

For more information, check out this segment NPR did on introversion/extroversion earlier this year.

Note that this introversion/extroversion thing is not a question of whether or not you have the social skills to interact with people—both extroverts and introverts can have poor social skills. But to an introvert, interacting with people saps their energy, whereas an extrovert is rewarded for their interaction. Introverts recharge their batteries when they are alone, which means they have an incentive to be alone. Thus, from a meta level, everything else considered equal, the advantage in an Internet age, in an Internet economy, goes to the extrovert.

So it may be more difficult and may take more effort, but it is absolutely critical that introverts learn to build their social network. The rewards these days increasingly go to those who can better interact with and develop their social network.

In fact, the size and quality of your social network has a value, a social capital, since who you have in your social network influences your personal productivity, earnings potential, job performance, and your value to others.

Why do I have sympathy for the introverts? Because I am one. Growing up I was often by myself, and so I developed mechanisms to have fun and stay entertained when alone. But the downside of this was that I was often stymied when dealing with other people. Even worse, I started out my career as an engineer, so, as an introvert engineer, I tended to prefer networking with my computers rather than with other people. For me, computers were logical and people were not. Working on computers energized me, whereas working with people drained me.

But I’ve learned along the way some tips and mechanisms to compensate for being introverted. I learned all these tips during a time when the Internet was in its infancy, so I had some time to build up my social networking skills before the Internet reached critical mass. However, you today do not have the luxury of a decade of trial and error to learn to interact with an increasingly social world.

No matter your hesitancy or how awkward you feel, you need to build your social network now.

So, here are some tips to help those of you who might feel drained by interacting with other people:

  • Acknowledge your introversion, but don’t use it as an excuse for not being social. Being introverted doesn’t mean you *can’t* interact with people, it just means you need time to recharge after an interaction. Like going to the gym, everyone needs some time to recharge before the next workout. This means you make your social schedule surgical: plan your social times along with corresponding “down” times, so you can recharge.

    With this tip, you actually have an advantage over the extroverts, since you can optimize your social times for those windows where you need to be social, then you can go home to recover, then you can be social again.

    Have to go to a social event because you want to talk to one particular person? You don’t have to stay for the whole event, which would totally drain you. Just find out when that person will be there and attend the event in a window of time so you can interact with the person you want to meet, then leave. Be surgical.

    • Practice reaching out to people using social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Overcome your hesitancy of initiating contact with other people by connecting virtually first, by just clicking “friend me”, “connect”, or “follow” on a person’s website or social page.

      Building up your social networking skills online can be easier than in person because the interactions are asynchronous—you send a person a message, they respond some time later, then you respond back some time after that—there’s no real time conversational back and forth, which can be draining to an introvert.

      Not everyone will accept your connection request, but no worries—don’t let that bother you. Other people will accept your contact requests, and your social network will therefore grow the more you reach out. Moreover, by honing your networking skills online first, you will work to overcome your hesitancy to reaching out, and so meeting with people in person will become easier as well.

      • When meeting people in person, smile. Smiling will not only have an influence over your internal hesitancies to interact with other people, but will also help put those you interact with at ease. If you don’t smile, the internal discomfort at being in a social situation because you are an introvert may unconsciously reflect in the image you project to others, and they will likely react accordingly.

        People can pick up the vibe you are giving off, so give off a good vibe, by smiling.

        • Treat your social interactions like a physical workout. If you treat your social interactions like exercise, you will see that while there may be some pain and/or exhaustion because of interacting with other people, but you also will know there is a benefit to the effort/discomfort. You will know that, in the end, after an appropriate recovery period, the effort will be worthwhile overall.

          • If you know you will be in a social situation, prepare a list of questions or conversation topics ahead of time. At a loss with how to begin a conversation? Try something like: “What are you working on now?” OR “What do want to work on next?” Most people like to talk about themselves, so just give them a little prod and they will likely jump at the chance.

            Also, research who you will be interacting with. Find out their interests, projects, and background. This extra information may give you ideas for what to talk about or what questions to ask.

            Preparation in advance of your meeting will also help ease any interaction anxiety you may have, and will also give you an advantage over those who just attend the meeting hoping to wing it—you will be focused and on point.

            • Fascinate: Your 7 Triggers to Persuasion and Captivation, by Sally Hogshead This book is a very interesting investigation into what/who fascinates us and why. Why was Marilyn Monroe so captivating? What makes Jagermeister such a popular beverage among college students, when it tastes so awful? What are your fascination triggers? Lust, mystique, alarm, prestige, power, vice, trust?

              Sally explores all these questions and more. I think this book will transform how you view products and people, and will give you ideas for how you present yourself or your company’s products to others.

              • The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism, by Olivia Cabane While Fascinate focuses more on strategic techniques you could use to build a particular brand (whether that brand was a product you are selling, or how you wanted to project yourself to the world), Charisma focuses more on tactical techniques you could use to apply to your own persona.

                Probably the strongest, most empowering message in Charisma is that personal charisma is not inherent—anyone can learn to be charismatic, even introverts. It is a skill that can be developed, like playing a sport or an instrument.

                This book then sets out to give specific techniques and exercises to shape a person’s presence, power, and warmth—to build their charisma through specific body language maneuvers and behaviors. And, similar to Hogshead’s fascination triggers, Cabane details four kinds of charisma (focus, visionary, kindness, and authority), how each is perceived, how to develop them, and when to use them.

                So, this book may be of interest if you ever need to interact with other people in a persuasive way, one in which your charisma plays a role.

              I hope this discussion and these tips have been helpful. Also, hopefully you introverts out there will now have the motivation and tools to start being more social.

              In today’s networked economy, you can’t afford *not* to develop your social skills. You don’t have to become an extrovert, but hopefully these tips can help you function more effectively in today’s world.